I want to take a sidebar from HPV and paint you a picture of what menopause felt like for me before the doctors told me that it really was menopause--
I wept ceremoniously for days; I believed cathartic tears would wash misery from my soul. On the other side of my cathartics awaited an unforgettable warfare to fight – unmasked drudgery sins from a crimson past – a dueling courtship of decency versus disgust; a final showdown to determine the stability of a sane mind or a mind in perpetual anguish.
Low pitch screams were the sounds piercing through my oval slender lips. The corridors echoed with the spurring of the sorrowful lamenting cries exploding from my mouth. One would have thought the growling sounds were of a brown bear whose cubs were in danger of their lives – I expressed no words. But the squeals were well interpreted that this distressed woman had notable emotional scarring, this type of scarring could only be erased with years of therapeutic treatment – which had yet to begin.
Major Depression was my friend; unresponsive, and uncooperative in responding to direct questions.
Meal times were acrobatic for the nurses, who used trickery to entice Me to swallow miniature portions of food. My rib cage imprints showed underneath the thin hospital wear that was given to my upon admittance. My arctic heart lay beneath iron clad ribs for protection from a world I thought was the cause of my tormented soul. Glazed staring eyes told a tale of a soul stranded in a desert with no hope of rescue. The blackness of my soul was drenched in a horrid lone abyss; invisible creatures of the darkness were my only confidants.
Now of course I fictionalized menopause so people who aren't going through it will know what they have to look forward to. And yes it is different for everyone, but my experience I was depressed as hell and didn't know why. I actually thought I was going crazy. I couldn't sleep, I was jumpy, and angry any little thing someone said to me I was ready to bit their head off.
Now we will go back to HPV in my next post.
fondly,
from a patient's perspective
Adrienne
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